What's in a name?

so next year i'm getting married.

i'm getting married a lot later than many of my friends (not all, but many). and several of my friends struggled with the decision about whether or not to take their fella's last name.

why is this such a struggle and yet another decision to make on the long road to the wedding date?

once upon a time taking your husband's name meant political death--no rights, no money, no nothing to yourself. in other words you melted into a list of your husband's assets. fortunately women gained more rights and did not suffer legal consequences of taking a new last name.

along marches feminism (a very important and liberating movement that continues to cause women to struggle with their identities as professionals, mothers, or both, sexual beings and/or caregivers--we are both guilty and seeking justification for the duality we feel without betraying the roar within). and suddenly the issue of taking your husband's name was a social statement.

a statement many women probably did not intend to make. but those who took the name were made to feel guilty and looked down upon in feminist circles and those who didn't suffered the same consequences among the more traditional gals.

this is not so different today, but not it has a slightly lighter feel. thankfully men don't care, women don't care and society doesn't care (not so much anyway). but there is still that little inward struggle.

do i give up my name? lose my identity with my history and heritage? why can't he take my name? there aren't any other men to carry the family name.

i am going to change my last name. it is politically and ideologically null and void in my mind.

there's probably at least one other man in the whole world that has the same last name i do. and i could never lose my identity--i still have family on both sides and a lot of knowledge about my heritage that will carry me through.

and let's face it, it's a hell of a lot more convenient for me to take his name than for him to take mine. and it already takes a bit of work to change your name in all those so important places.

plus his first name and my last name don't roll off the tongue as my first and his last do!